Monday, July 7, 2008

The TOP TEN Reasons you should re-elect Mike Scott for Sheriff.


Driving around town the past few weeks I've started seeing the "Re-Elect Sheriff Mike Scott" signs popping up all across town.

These signs have inspired me to write this evenings post, on the Top Ten reasons that YOU should Re-Elect Mike Scott.

I've had to privilege of SEEING this man on multiple occasions, however have yet the honor of meeting him and shaking the hand that helps to keep my family safe at night.

Perhaps one day, the Sheriff will read this post and realize that I'm freakin' awesome, at which point he'll invite me to lunch, probably to P.F. Changs (because seriously.. the 'Hot Fish' there is MAGNIFICENT!). He'll then thank me for my part in keeping the streets of San Carlos safe with my commitment to watch the neighborhood and being a mentor the teens and children of SCP.

Naturally, he'll then finally present me with my Honorary Sheriffs Deputy Badge, which I don't believe happens that often with him... which makes the fact that I have one even more punk rock!

So now... without further ado: The Top Ten Reasons to Re-Elect Sheriff Mike Scott.

#1. Veinte (for those of you who aren't fluent in Spanish, like myself, that means '20') | The great Sheriff Dr. Mike Scott has been with the Lee County Sheriff's Office since 1988.


Let's just do the math here 2008 minus 1988 = 20 years.

TWENTY YEARS as a Lee County Police Officer. Not only does he have 20 years as a Lee County Officer under his belt (22 years in law enforcement), but he was born and raised here in good ol' Lee County as well. Seriously, who knows this place better than him!?!


#2. He's a total stud | Seriously, if I was single and he was single, and I was into dudes and he was into dudes: I'd totally make that happen. The scenario is eerily reminiscent of a washed-up music group....


#3. Zebra Stripe Uniforms | Sheriff Scott decided to change the uniforms of the inmates in our prison system to Zebra Stripe black and whites... Now, come on... That's just punk rock.


#4. His Campaign Manager is Primo | His Mother, Appie D'Alessandro Scott, runs the Sheriffs re-election campaign.


This is not a first for this beautiful lady, as she ran the campaign for his last election as well! Being somewhat of a momma's boy myself, I can relate to that sense of family. But more than that, I can relate to the willingness to see great potential in your "Sweet ol' mom" and being confident (and man) enough to step aside and let her do her thing!

#5. Can somebody say "Track Record"? | Yeah... read a paper... his record speaks for itself.

#6. Homeboy's a Christian | The popular old question... What Would Jesus Do?


The answer: vote for Mike Scott!

I was not quite aware, at first, that Dr. Scott was a Christian. I found out at the funeral of a sweet young boy, John E. Halgrim.

See, John Halgrim was a REMARKABLE young man, who at a very young age (early teens) changed the lives of THOUSANDS of people. John had cancer, and while bed-ridden had just one wish: to help save the lives of the kids in Kibera, Kenya, Africa. I had been to Kenya with an organization called "Help the Least of These" to do some filming in the slum of Kibera, Kenya.

I brought that footage back and had the opportunity to work on a video of John Halgrim... his plea for people to help him help others. (you can find the video here, if the video doesn't play, you can click the links below it the view it)

Shortly after making the video, John sadly passed away.

At his funeral, they showed the video that I had made for John and "HTLOT". I happened to be sitting directly behind Sheriff Scott. After the video, he leaned over the woman next to him (who I'm assuming to be his mother...?) and told her how amazing the video was. I was proud to be a part of John's ministry, just as I know Sheriff Scott was proud to be there for that service, and proud to present John's family with the "Do the Right Thing Award" in honor of their son.

It was later that I was able to share that story to my friend and business partner, JoNeal, when Joe was like "Dude.. you know that guys a super Christian!?!" Good. We need more people who be lovin' Jesus serving in offices in this country!

#7. It would mean that Rod Shoap and Christian Meister wouldn't be in office | Both are dorks... trust me.

Meister:


Shoap:

Not much is known about Christian Meister, but Rod Shoap is just a tool.

The instant turn off for me (of course, speaking as the owner of a marketing and design company) is Shoap's crap-hole website (www.rodshoap.com ... ego much!?) ... seriously dude, if you REALLY want to get re-elected after your joke of a run as Sheriff, you might want to get AT LEAST a DECENT, if not AWESOME website, without the crappy flash, cheesy picture, and HUGE "Give me all your money now" buttons all over the place...

Come to think of it, Mr. Meister (at least that's fun to say!) needs a spruce up as well, not-to-mention the title line (the bar at the VERY TOP of your web browsers screen) off his website (www.meisterforsheriff.com) reads: "Sheriff Scott employs criminally convicted officers, falsifies, discriminates" ... Seriously bro... the FIRST impression of you is whining and talking trash? What are you... French!? (Now, I LOVE the French, so if you're French, don't take that wrong... I only included that last remark for dramatic effect..)

You don't reach your hand out to shake another person in introduction, saying "Hey! My name is Slim, and I think this guy over here is a d-bag!" That's just not cool. They say that your first impression is your ONLY impression... Senior Meister's score: ZERO.

The funny thing: on Sheriff Scott's page (www.wewantmike.com) he bashes neither opponent, yet they both seem rather quick to talk out of their 'hind-quarters' about this He-Man.

(I must inform those of you who don't know me well, that I'm not typically one for 'talking smack', but both of these fellows after left such a bad taste in my mouth with their child-like antics... so please, don't judge me...)


#8. Two Words: Buh Dass | "Reputations are earned!" his website boasts...


...if that's true, this dude's earning a 6 figure reputation salary in my book! No, not a REAL salary, but a salary made up of illustrious "Cool Points". Cheesy... I know... but true. And that's not a "low-number" six-figures either... we're talking in the $800 thousands, AT LEAST...

#9. He's an Amazing Boss | I know, I know, I know... it sounds weird that I, being the OWNER of my business, would refer to the Good Sheriff as my "Boss"

I'll explain:

Since I've declared myself:
and my dog, "The Dude":

as "Self-Appointed Honorary San Carlos K-9 SWAT" (you know, for my superior skills in keeping my community safe and sound... read more on my community greatness on Laura's latest blog post here), I believe that makes Sheriff Dr. Mike Scott my "Self-Appointed Honorary Boss"... which would, in turn, make him the best boss that I've ever had.

I'm actually starting a petition to have the nickname "The Boss" stripped from Bruce Spingsteen (homo), and given to Scott... you know... the guy who actually deserves it! (you can read more about my distaste for ol' Brucy here)

Last, but CERTAINLY not least:

#10. He's got fantastic hair | I know it sounds weird.... you know, because he's bald and all...

But he's only bald because his actual hair invokes such awesomeness that is rivaled only by the beard of Chuck Norris (which is no surprise, being that Norris and Scott are fraternal twins)

I saw the Sheriff's full head of hair once... I was immediately blinded by it's awesomeness.

So there you have it, boys and girls... the OFFICIAL top ten list of why the Great Sheriff Mike Scott should be re-elected and of course, why you should vote for him.

Aight... me and my K-9 counterpart are off to hit the beat... Lock and load, ladies!

SLIM

28 comments:

Laura said...

He's got my vote!

Tessa said...

wow. this is very well done, slim! mad props yo.
and i love your section about you and Dude being on the K-9 SWAT team...its great. I laughed for a long while, really.

Art Teacher said...

This is an amazing post and if I still lived in Florida, b/c of this post I would vote for Mike Scott and b/c I think he's kinda cute! In fact if I was Mike Scott I would take you tp PF Chengs every week for lunch!

The Herrenbrucks said...

Slim,
this post is absolutely hilarious! i loved it. i love reading what you write b/c you are so funny! hope you and laura are doing super!!!

Melanie said...

YOU ROCK

Sam B. said...

Love it. I do feel safer knowing you're only 10 houses down.

Really funny and good. Totally Slim too - who else talks about Africa, K-9 Swat, Bruce Springstein, the Village People and the sheriff's mom in the same post. There's only one Slim. Have a good time at PF Chang's.

Anonymous said...

what a punk ass kid you are.you are an idiot.k-9 swat wanna be.you need to get back on your medication.maybe your lard ass would like to meet up with a true and honest officer.just because you see afew signs around,you think you have all the answers,wrong you dont have a clue,about whats going on.get a life.

Anonymous said...

ARE YOU GAY OR WHAT?YOU THINK SCOTT IS SEXY,YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.LOOKING AT YOURE PICTURE I DONT KNOW HOW YOU EVEN GOT A GIRL,MAYBE ITS YOUR SISTER.HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF CONTACTS,AND THE PEACH FUZZ YOU CALL A BEARD WOW!

SlimTronic5000 said...

Tee hee hee...

Little kids make me laugh. They're just so cute... Bill Cosby was right: Kids really DO say the darnedest things!

Especially when they try to talk like 'big boys' but aren't man enough to leave their contact information, or better yet: remain anonymous.

Since some people obviously need enlightenment, I will touch on those things covered in my these two comments.

I'll have to disregard the blatant lack of proper grammar, punctuation and capitalization in the comments from this young man or woman (I can only assume with back-to-back comments one minute apart they are from the same person)

"What a punk ass kid you are."
Punk Ass? Yes.
Kid? In the eyes of middle schoolers, not so much. In the eyes of war vets, retirees and my parents, totally.

"You are an idiot."
The famous philosopher was once quoted as saying "Stupid is, as stupid does." I'm certainly not the one posting half-witted, anonymous comments on people's blogs.

Plus, my IQ is in the low 170's... I've taken the MENSA test 3 times, and passed every time. Compare that with the national average IQ of 98, and the fact that you don't know what MENSA is, I'd say that I'm doing pretty good. But hey, what do I know? I mean, I'm only a genius and all...

"K-9 swat wanna be."
Duh. I think it was pretty obvious in the blog posting that I am, in fact, K-9 swat wanna be. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

"You need to get back on your medication."
Sure. Lunesta is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Money is tight right now though... spare a couple bucks to get me back on my much needed meds?

"Maybe your lard ass..."
Evidently you didn't bother to read my other blog. You know, the one about my quest to lose weight.

That blog would tend to indicate that I already acknowledge the fact that I may or may not be on the 'heavy side'. Thanks, again, for pointing out the blatantly obvious.

"...would like to meet up with a true and honest officer."
If you have one to suggest, please do. Otherwise I'll just keep chit-chatting with the almost 2 dozen Lee and Collier police officers that I'm proud to call "friend" (including the great Sheriff Mike Scott).

"Just because you see a few signs around, you think you have all the answers, wrong you don't have a clue about what's going on."
Umm... okay. Good call. What was I thinking!? Thanks for opening my eyes.

"Get a life."
One like yours? I'm sure your life is pretty fabulous. Please, my email is slimwhitley@aol.com ... drop me a line... let me know how great your life is.

"Are you gay or what?"
If my options are:
A. Gay
B. What

I would have to go with "B. What". Unless you'd like me to be gay... because it seems as if you've got a 'thing' for me. I can't say that I blame you.. most men and woman find themselves instantly attracted to me. Join the club.

"You think Scott is sexy, you've got to be kidding."
Very good, I AM kidding! You picked up on the thing we grown-ups like to call "Humor". You're awesome.

"Looking at you're picture, I don't know how you even got a girl..."
If I'm such an eye-sore for you to look at, how's about you stop looking at my picture? Unless you're still hung up on your 'thing' for me. In which case, be my guest.

As far as how I got a girl:

Mostly luck. Large amounts of luck. The rest was just a little bit of class, wit, humor and fantastic hair.

"Maybe it's your sister."
I have two sisters, both are quite lovely girls. However, my wife is neither of them.

"Have you ever heard of contacts."
Seriously? That's the stab you try to take at me?

Do you walk up to everyone with glasses, call 'em "four-eyes" and ask them if they've "ever heard of contacts"? If not, I think you should. It'd be funny. I certainly hope that you will always be able to have your perfect vision that you must obviously have.

"And the peach fuzz you call a beard wow!"
A. Surprisingly it is not peach fuzz. If really is facial hair. It may LOOK like peach fuzz, but I assure you, what little bit there is, is indeed real hair.

B. That I call a beard?! I don't recall calling it a beard. I actually don't recall referring to it as anything.

C. If I WAS going to refer to my facial hair, I would certainly not call it a 'beard'. Mainly because it's not. I believe that the facial hair style that you were looking for was "Goatee". I have a goatee... not a beard.

D. I'm sorry that my hair is not as epic as yours is. Do you have any pointers for me?!

Well. Thank about concludes it. Hopefully this will help to make you understand a thing or two about me. Please feel free to email me your number, maybe address. I'd love to send you a thank you card or something.

Peace,
SLIM

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