1 . Where did you meet? At an internet chat room for female chubby chasers.

2. How long did you date? We never dated. There was just a period that we were together that we were not married... we affectionately refer to that as "The Dark Ages"

3. How long have you been married? 408 days. (But who's counting...?)

4. What does she say that surprises you? The "F" word. She's said it 3 times since we've been together. They were all accidents, but she said it none-the-less... she's filthy.

5. What is your favorite feature of hers's?
• If we're being shallow: She's got a pretty sweet lil' rumpus. I like to refer to her as "Muffin Butt"...
• If we're being thoughtful: Her smile... seriously, she could melt a glacier (causing the world to be destroyed, as seen in the smash hit "The Day After Tomorrow") with that smile.

6. What is your favorite quality of hers's?
• Shallow: She's hot.
• Thoughtful: Her unbelievable heart. (You can read more here: http://anickeloradime.blogspot.com/2007/08/things-i-love.html)

7. Does she have a nickname for you? Mostly she just calls me 'Stud'. However she has never ONCE called me by my birth name, therefore every time that she has spoken to me, she's refer to me using a nickname.

8. What is her favorite color? Yellow

9. What is her favorite food? She's never met a food she didn't like. (although she's not a huge fan of chick peas, avacados, and raw onions...)

10. What is her favorite sport? Shopping.

11. When and where did you first kiss? When: One day... Where: On the lips.

12. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? Hang out with our friends. (You can typically find us in the Buzzard's Nest)

13. Do you have any children? Well... we both believe that children are the future. That we should teach them well, and let them lead the way.. perhaps show them all the beauty they possess inside... maybe give them a sense of pride to make it easier... Basically: let the children's laughter remind us how it used to be...

In other words: no... not yet. But we want some of them though... I wanna teach 'em tricks.

14. Does she have a hidden talent? Yes... putting up with me.

15. How old is he? She turned 24 this past Nov. 11

16. Who said, “I love you” first? Probably Laura, as she is a couple years older than me. I was probably still in the womb when she was saying it.

17. What is her favorite type of music? Anything that I was involved with... ESPECIALLY the Seth Thomas Band (http://www.myspace.com/seththomasmusic)

18. What do you most admire about her? Didn't we already cover this? Or is this one of those crazy personality tests that asks you if you would steal from your company 25 times using different wording... the answer is 'yes'... get over it.

19. Do you think she will read this? I'll more than likely read it TO her... she thinks my voice is sexy (so does Carolyn Vecchio)... this is not surprising. As my voice is (much like the rest of me) QUITE sexy.

So, that's it kiddos... my monthly blog post. Enjoy.

S

Three Little Words...

As most of you may know: I, Slim Gillian, am a story teller.

My life is crazy. The most insane things happen to me...

I like to recall these tales of my journeys to friends and strangers alike. This is why I talk a lot.

People, most of the time, assume that these simple narratives are but mere lies, exaggerations at best. While I must admit that there are some mildly embellished pieces to the puzzle of my life, I assure you that those elaborations are quite minimal.

I like telling stories.

I like captivating an audience, whether they be great in number, or simply the handful of people who read the ramblings that are my blog posts.

More than telling true stories, I love calling on my thespian training and creating stories on the fly.

I love it when a simple question is asked of me, and I can respond with a twisted tale of castles, dragons, hookers and the like.

I could simply lie: a nonchalant "yes" or "no", perhaps even a "maybe" here and there.

But what's the fun in that?

Sometimes it's not even important things. Consider this scenario:

My older brother, Brad (or as he is more affectionately known: The Bishop) and myself look nearly identical. Only a mere 11 months apart, an inch or two away in size, fairly close in weight and build... similar facial hair styling... some even say that we talk alike. Obviously, we're brothers.

Man: (to my brother and me) "Man, are you guys brothers!??!"
Me: "You would not believe how many times I've heard that..."
Man: "You must've heard it since you were kids!"
Me: "Yeah, not so much. Surprisingly we're not related. We started playing in a band together in Chicago back in 2003, and just kinda moved around together since. But we get that ALL the time."

You ask "Seriously!?"

"But why!?" you continue to think...

The answer?

The story.

This guy will now walk away... thinking "Man, I've known Brad for some time and he's never mentioned that he's from Chicago." or "Man, it's crazy.. they look JUST a like."

Now this may seem insignificant to you... but imagine my amusement. Not just in the immediate situation, but when I get a phone call from my elder sibling informing me that some guy is has been confused for days about some 'Chicago' story.

I laugh.

Now that was merely an example of an insignificant story... my tall tales are normally much more extravagant... much more elaborately decorated.

I've told some whoppers in my day....

Some have made people laugh...

...others cry...

Some weep...

Some have even made people questions everything they about me, themselves, and life in general.

I wont post those here. Primarily because you don't got that kinda time.

I'm sure that Laura wouldn't mind telling you some of the horror stories that I've put her through.

These are not simple stories... there's entire backgrounds for the story, its location and every character involved.

Why do I do it?

The sport.

If weaving tales of misguided youth, morbid obscenities and cows was an Olympic event, you could consider me Michael Phelps.. not just because of my witty talent, but rather my goods look and killer physique without a shirt on.

Anyway... I'm getting off subject here....

You know... the reason for this post...

Being that I'm a story teller, I like to put people on the spot. To see how they react when put into certain situations. To see if they tell the truth, see if they'll lie... maybe even see if they dare to tell a story.

Now, the point:

Today I had to pick my sweet wife up from work. We drove to the bank to drop of the daily deposit for her job, and promptly headed to Tijuana Flats for an early dinner.


I got the usual... so did she.

As is my typical fashion, I always ask the people taking our order if the cookies there are "fresh baked".

I know the answer to the question: "no".

In fact, they are purchased in... unwrapped... and put into NEW wrapping that reflects the branding of 'The Flats'.

Laura laughs at me ever time and asks why I ask the question.

But no amount of explanation will ever make non-story-tellers understand the concept.

Well, today at the 'Flats' I approached the portly fellow (we'll call him "Ol' Dude") on the other side of the counter (as I held a white chocolate chip cookie in my right hand up to my nose, to take in the odor of it's tender, goodness) and simply asked: "Do you freshly bake these?"

A question that I've asked dozens of times since LoBeth and I started dating.

Every time, I get the standard response "No. We actually buy them from a company and re-wrap them."

But not this time...

This time it was...

...different.

Ol' Dude calmly, bravely and confidently proclaimed three little words "Yes, we do!"

Laura's jaw dropped, however I played it cool. Seeing that he took the bait, I wanted to push him a little.

I held up another cookie and snuffed it like a fine summer wine.

"How 'bout these? You fresh bake these too?"

"Sure do!" his response.

"Hmmmm..." a simple noise was my retort.

I went on to ask "When do you bake them? In the morning? Night?"

"Every morning." he muttered.

"Wow... It must be tough to be in here when the cookies are baking... freshly?" I state.

"Oh man! It's the hardest part of my job!" he says.

I think to myself "Wow. He's a story teller... albeit a bad one... but a teller none-the-less".

Now that you've read the 833 words in the post (up to this point anyway... [yeah, I counted them]) you should be asking yourself "Why? Why such a long post for so little actual content?"

But for the story, of course.

And they all lived happily ever after,
The Slim

I got these cute comments the other day...

...on my "Mike Scott" blog post.

They're both pretty funny. I wish that my response could've been as funny.

Here it is, for your viewing pleasure.

Tee hee hee...

Little kids make me laugh. They're just so cute... Bill Cosby was right: Kids really DO say the darnedest things!

Especially when they try to talk like 'big boys' but aren't man enough to leave their contact information, or better yet: remain anonymous.

Since some people obviously need enlightenment, I will touch on those things covered in my these two comments.

I'll have to disregard the blatant lack of proper grammar, punctuation and capitalization in the comments from this young man or woman (I can only assume with back-to-back comments one minute apart they are from the same person)

"What a punk ass kid you are."
Punk Ass? Yes.
Kid? In the eyes of middle schoolers, not so much. In the eyes of war vets, retirees and my parents, totally.

"You are an idiot."
The famous philosopher was once quoted as saying "Stupid is, as stupid does." I'm certainly not the one posting half-witted, anonymous comments on people's blogs.

Plus, my IQ is in the low 170's... I've taken the MENSA test 3 times, and passed every time. Compare that with the national average IQ of 98, and the fact that you don't know what MENSA is, I'd say that I'm doing pretty good. But hey, what do I know? I mean, I'm only a genius and all...

"K-9 swat wanna be."
Duh. I think it was pretty obvious in the blog posting that I am, in fact, K-9 swat wanna be. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

"You need to get back on your medication."
Sure. Lunesta is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Money is tight right now though... spare a couple bucks to get me back on my much needed meds?

"Maybe your lard ass..."
Evidently you didn't bother to read my other blog. You know, the one about my quest to lose weight.

That blog would tend to indicate that I already acknowledge the fact that I may or may not be on the 'heavy side'. Thanks, again, for pointing out the blatantly obvious.

"...would like to meet up with a true and honest officer."
If you have one to suggest, please do. Otherwise I'll just keep chit-chatting with the almost 2 dozen Lee and Collier police officers that I'm proud to call "friend" (including the great Sheriff Mike Scott).

"Just because you see a few signs around, you think you have all the answers, wrong you don't have a clue about what's going on."
Umm... okay. Good call. What was I thinking!? Thanks for opening my eyes.

"Get a life."
One like yours? I'm sure your life is pretty fabulous. Please, my email is slimwhitley@aol.com ... drop me a line... let me know how great your life is.

"Are you gay or what?"
If my options are:
A. Gay
B. What

I would have to go with "B. What". Unless you'd like me to be gay... because it seems as if you've got a 'thing' for me. I can't say that I blame you.. most men and woman find themselves instantly attracted to me. Join the club.

"You think Scott is sexy, you've got to be kidding."
Very good, I AM kidding! You picked up on the thing we grown-ups like to call "Humor". You're awesome.

"Looking at you're picture, I don't know how you even got a girl..."
If I'm such an eye-sore for you to look at, how's about you stop looking at my picture? Unless you're still hung up on your 'thing' for me. In which case, be my guest.

As far as how I got a girl:

Mostly luck. Large amounts of luck. The rest was just a little bit of class, wit, humor and fantastic hair.

"Maybe it's your sister."
I have two sisters, both are quite lovely girls. However, my wife is neither of them.

"Have you ever heard of contacts."
Seriously? That's the stab you try to take at me?

Do you walk up to everyone with glasses, call 'em "four-eyes" and ask them if they've "ever heard of contacts"? If not, I think you should. It'd be funny. I certainly hope that you will always be able to have your perfect vision that you must obviously have.

"And the peach fuzz you call a beard wow!"
A. Surprisingly it is not peach fuzz. If really is facial hair. It may LOOK like peach fuzz, but I assure you, what little bit there is, is indeed real hair.

B. That I call a beard?! I don't recall calling it a beard. I actually don't recall referring to it as anything.

C. If I WAS going to refer to my facial hair, I would certainly not call it a 'beard'. Mainly because it's not. I believe that the facial hair style that you were looking for was "Goatee". I have a goatee... not a beard.

D. I'm sorry that my hair is not as epic as yours is. Do you have any pointers for me?!

Well. Thank about concludes it. Hopefully this will help to make you understand a thing or two about me. Please feel free to email me your number, maybe address. I'd love to send you a thank you card or something.

Peace,
SLIM

Satus Quo...

Those of you who know me, know that my life is, at most times, rather crazy.

Things always seems to happen at the worst times.

As the rest of my life has been, the future will be as well.

Yesterday, I was enjoying my first day of unemployment (man, how long has it been since you can say that you were jobless?!?)... wondering how in the world I was going to make things work in this step of faith that I've taken, knowing well that I don't have enough $$ to pay my bills this month...

I think it might've the thought in my head that distracted me from the fact that my car was on fire.

Yeah...

I was driving down 75, headed home from a recording session in Naples when my temperature gauge went from normal to overheating in about 15 seconds. I pulled over just past the Corkscrew exit and lifted up my hood to find enough flames to roast a pig on.

Now, the picture is not of my car, nor were the flames that high... I just put that in for dramatic effect...

With that being said, I believe that may have truly been the last hoorah with my car. So, if you could all keep your eyes out for a REALLY CHEAP vehicle... nothing nice.. just cheap, that would be great; as we had about $12 in the bank until the tow-truck got there and cost us $10 to tow.... So yeah... a $2 car... keep you eyes open for it...

Thanks for everything guys..

SLIM

The TOP TEN Reasons you should re-elect Mike Scott for Sheriff.

Driving around town the past few weeks I've started seeing the "Re-Elect Sheriff Mike Scott" signs popping up all across town.

These signs have inspired me to write this evenings post, on the Top Ten reasons that YOU should Re-Elect Mike Scott.

I've had to privilege of SEEING this man on multiple occasions, however have yet the honor of meeting him and shaking the hand that helps to keep my family safe at night.

Perhaps one day, the Sheriff will read this post and realize that I'm freakin' awesome, at which point he'll invite me to lunch, probably to P.F. Changs (because seriously.. the 'Hot Fish' there is MAGNIFICENT!). He'll then thank me for my part in keeping the streets of San Carlos safe with my commitment to watch the neighborhood and being a mentor the teens and children of SCP.

Naturally, he'll then finally present me with my Honorary Sheriffs Deputy Badge, which I don't believe happens that often with him... which makes the fact that I have one even more punk rock!

So now... without further ado: The Top Ten Reasons to Re-Elect Sheriff Mike Scott.

#1. Veinte (for those of you who aren't fluent in Spanish, like myself, that means '20') | The great Sheriff Dr. Mike Scott has been with the Lee County Sheriff's Office since 1988.


Let's just do the math here 2008 minus 1988 = 20 years.

TWENTY YEARS as a Lee County Police Officer. Not only does he have 20 years as a Lee County Officer under his belt (22 years in law enforcement), but he was born and raised here in good ol' Lee County as well. Seriously, who knows this place better than him!?!


#2. He's a total stud | Seriously, if I was single and he was single, and I was into dudes and he was into dudes: I'd totally make that happen. The scenario is eerily reminiscent of a washed-up music group....


#3. Zebra Stripe Uniforms | Sheriff Scott decided to change the uniforms of the inmates in our prison system to Zebra Stripe black and whites... Now, come on... That's just punk rock.


#4. His Campaign Manager is Primo | His Mother, Appie D'Alessandro Scott, runs the Sheriffs re-election campaign.


This is not a first for this beautiful lady, as she ran the campaign for his last election as well! Being somewhat of a momma's boy myself, I can relate to that sense of family. But more than that, I can relate to the willingness to see great potential in your "Sweet ol' mom" and being confident (and man) enough to step aside and let her do her thing!

#5. Can somebody say "Track Record"? | Yeah... read a paper... his record speaks for itself.

#6. Homeboy's a Christian | The popular old question... What Would Jesus Do?


The answer: vote for Mike Scott!

I was not quite aware, at first, that Dr. Scott was a Christian. I found out at the funeral of a sweet young boy, John E. Halgrim.

See, John Halgrim was a REMARKABLE young man, who at a very young age (early teens) changed the lives of THOUSANDS of people. John had cancer, and while bed-ridden had just one wish: to help save the lives of the kids in Kibera, Kenya, Africa. I had been to Kenya with an organization called "Help the Least of These" to do some filming in the slum of Kibera, Kenya.

I brought that footage back and had the opportunity to work on a video of John Halgrim... his plea for people to help him help others. (you can find the video here, if the video doesn't play, you can click the links below it the view it)

Shortly after making the video, John sadly passed away.

At his funeral, they showed the video that I had made for John and "HTLOT". I happened to be sitting directly behind Sheriff Scott. After the video, he leaned over the woman next to him (who I'm assuming to be his mother...?) and told her how amazing the video was. I was proud to be a part of John's ministry, just as I know Sheriff Scott was proud to be there for that service, and proud to present John's family with the "Do the Right Thing Award" in honor of their son.

It was later that I was able to share that story to my friend and business partner, JoNeal, when Joe was like "Dude.. you know that guys a super Christian!?!" Good. We need more people who be lovin' Jesus serving in offices in this country!

#7. It would mean that Rod Shoap and Christian Meister wouldn't be in office | Both are dorks... trust me.

Meister:

Shoap:

Not much is known about Christian Meister, but Rod Shoap is just a tool.

The instant turn off for me (of course, speaking as the owner of a marketing and design company) is Shoap's crap-hole website (www.rodshoap.com ... ego much!?) ... seriously dude, if you REALLY want to get re-elected after your joke of a run as Sheriff, you might want to get AT LEAST a DECENT, if not AWESOME website, without the crappy flash, cheesy picture, and HUGE "Give me all your money now" buttons all over the place...

Come to think of it, Mr. Meister (at least that's fun to say!) needs a spruce up as well, not-to-mention the title line (the bar at the VERY TOP of your web browsers screen) off his website (www.meisterforsheriff.com) reads: "Sheriff Scott employs criminally convicted officers, falsifies, discriminates" ... Seriously bro... the FIRST impression of you is whining and talking trash? What are you... French!? (Now, I LOVE the French, so if you're French, don't take that wrong... I only included that last remark for dramatic effect..)

You don't reach your hand out to shake another person in introduction, saying "Hey! My name is Slim, and I think this guy over here is a d-bag!" That's just not cool. They say that your first impression is your ONLY impression... Senior Meister's score: ZERO.

The funny thing: on Sheriff Scott's page (www.wewantmike.com) he bashes neither opponent, yet they both seem rather quick to talk out of their 'hind-quarters' about this He-Man.

(I must inform those of you who don't know me well, that I'm not typically one for 'talking smack', but both of these fellows after left such a bad taste in my mouth with their child-like antics... so please, don't judge me...)


#8. Two Words: Buh Dass | "Reputations are earned!" his website boasts...


...if that's true, this dude's earning a 6 figure reputation salary in my book! No, not a REAL salary, but a salary made up of illustrious "Cool Points". Cheesy... I know... but true. And that's not a "low-number" six-figures either... we're talking in the $800 thousands, AT LEAST...

#9. He's an Amazing Boss | I know, I know, I know... it sounds weird that I, being the OWNER of my business, would refer to the Good Sheriff as my "Boss"

I'll explain:

Since I've declared myself:
and my dog, "The Dude":

as "Self-Appointed Honorary San Carlos K-9 SWAT" (you know, for my superior skills in keeping my community safe and sound... read more on my community greatness on Laura's latest blog post here), I believe that makes Sheriff Dr. Mike Scott my "Self-Appointed Honorary Boss"... which would, in turn, make him the best boss that I've ever had.

I'm actually starting a petition to have the nickname "The Boss" stripped from Bruce Spingsteen (homo), and given to Scott... you know... the guy who actually deserves it! (you can read more about my distaste for ol' Brucy here)

Last, but CERTAINLY not least:

#10. He's got fantastic hair | I know it sounds weird.... you know, because he's bald and all...

But he's only bald because his actual hair invokes such awesomeness that is rivaled only by the beard of Chuck Norris (which is no surprise, being that Norris and Scott are fraternal twins)

I saw the Sheriff's full head of hair once... I was immediately blinded by it's awesomeness.

So there you have it, boys and girls... the OFFICIAL top ten list of why the Great Sheriff Mike Scott should be re-elected and of course, why you should vote for him.

Aight... me and my K-9 counterpart are off to hit the beat... Lock and load, ladies!

SLIM

I AM THE LAW!!!

FYI: I am the law.

That is all.

S

10 Things... the addendum.

I've come to realize that in addition to my "10 Things" post, there are a couple other things that I'm currently loving that did not make it to my list amongst the more 'non-serious' ones.

11. Lego Star Wars for the Wii | Seriously, this game is epic.

In the latest make of it, it combines ALL 6 episodes into one jam-packed piece of awesomeness. With FOUR different modes of game play (which all must be completed in order to 'win' the game) with lots of hidden extras, coupled with an INCREDIBLE gaming interface with the Wii makes this game one of the greatest ever made!


12. Batter Blaster | That's right: Make a better breakfast faster... Batter Blaster.

I'd write more, but I wouldn't want anyone to think that Laura and I are competing on this front page worthy phenomenon. So, read all about it here, at Laura's blog.

So yeah... enjoy both of these pieces of goodness...
SLIM