Not just some lame bumper sticker...

I realized today that I love my wife.

"Weird..." you're thinking, I'm sure.

"...how can he just now realize that?"

I don't know everything in life, but I know a lot... maybe more than most. I even knew a lot about us:

I knew that I was in love with her the very moment I saw her. I knew that she would be my wife in that moment as well. I knew that it would be able a battle to win her heart... a battle that could only be won with God on my side! I knew that she would make an amazing wife, and an incredible mother.

I didn't, however, really understand intimacy. I tried to get a deeper understanding the word.... so I went to webster.com.

1b : belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature
2 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the someone>

See, I had a knowledge of Laura Beth... but not an INTIMATE knowledge of Laura Beth.

Before we got married, we might as well have been living together: I would get to the house around 7:30 in the morning... just in time to kiss her goodbye as she headed off to work. I would then make myself breakfast, grab a shower, get dressed and head off to work. After a 'long day at the office' I would come back to the house for dinner and a movie (or whatever we had planned that night), I would then stay until it got way too late and I would head home, or to my parents house, or whatever.

I thought "Man, there's not really that much more that I could learn about her..." I would even go so far as to say "...and there's no way that I could love her more than I do now!"

I couldn't have been more wrong.

As I sit on my couch... roughly 10 'til 9pm on Wedneesday... I'm coming to the conclusion that I didn't actually love her until today.

Don't get me wrong... I LIKED her a whole lot bunches, and I was (and am) most certainly IN love with her.

God has been teaching me over the last couple weeks (you know, in the wicked long time I've been married) the difference between loving someone and and being IN love with somebody.

It's easy to be in love with my wife. She's wicked hot. She's more-than-intelligent. She's got an amazing sense of humor, and an even more incredible personality. You can refer to previous posts for a more detailed list.

However,

It's hard (sometimes)

to love

my wife.

She nags me. She whines a lot. She doesn't use her blinker when switches lanes or turns. She always forgets to log out of Myspace and Facebook when she's done. And she can't seem to close the bag of doggy treats EVERY morning.

But I realize it's in these moments that I can not possibly live without her. God has designed her (idiosyncrasies and all) to fit me perfectly. You see, all the things she does that drive me nuts are things I don't do... as all the things that I do that drive her up a wall are things that SHE doesn't do. It's like pieces of a puzzle finally falling into place.

In my quest to discover the meaning of intimacy, I read a dozen or so articles from teachers, philosohpers and religious leaders trying to describe what intimacy is.

Finally, I ran into someone who helped to make it make more sense. Jim Hines is the Executive Pastor of Summit Church, and also happens to be my direct suppirior at work. He went to the Ukrane a few weeks ago (as he does about a billion times a year) and upon his arrivial home (just in time to make it our wedding!) all that he could talk about was how much he missed his wife.

"Outside of anything obvious," he said "I missed the feeling of Mary sleeping next to me."

"Sleeping alone just sucked!"

He had my attention.

"You know what intimacy is, Slim?"

"No... not really... enlighten me."

"Sitting on the couch next to my wife, knowing that no matter what idiot or bonehead move I make, she'll still be right there... on the couch loving me just the same."

Wow.

I pondered that notion today at dinner.

I'm not sure why.

But I did.

She looked across the table at me and asked if I wanted to go to the christian bookstore with her. Not something I was entirely interested in.

"Nah... I'm good." I said without a thought or hesitation.

I finished my dinner, cleaned off the table and sat down to watch TV and surf the net. This concept of intimacy kept running in circles around my brain.

Many circles spun 'round my cranium long enough for me to notice that I was sitting.... on my couch... alone.

I was sad. My stomach turned. A single tear fell from one of the round things at the top of my head... eyes, I think they're called. I knew that she would be back, after all she was just going to the store. I knew that the loved me and felt loved.

But still, I felt alone... a part from the lover, my partner, my mate, my wife. A feeling that I didn't want to feel?

What changed? Did I miss the nagging? The perpetual not logging out of online networking communities?

No.

I missed her.

All of her.

I loved my wife for the first time... the way that God intended.

Life seemed in an instant to make a little bit more sense.

I sit here... breathing a fresh breath of life. Content. Happy. Loving everything about my life and my wife.... all of it... all of her.

And with that, I'm off to bed... with my wife... whom I love.